Shifting from Adrenaline to Boundaries
I used to thrive on raw energy and determination when faced with a challenge. There was something about a deadline or a cause—a sudden rush of adrenaline—that propelled me forward. When my daughter was first diagnosed with a rare disease, and even during our initial diagnostic journey, I operated with an elevated sense of urgency. It was a constant rallying cry within my body that helped me plow through obstacles, navigate exhausting medical systems, and get things done.
But as the years have progressed, I am finding that I need to pivot the way I engage with my schedule, my physical boundaries, and my own limitations. I AM TIRED.
I am no less dedicated to my daughter’s medical care and well-being. In fact, armed with more knowledge, my empathy and determination have only deepened. What I am realizing is that I simply cannot sustain that space of high energy and perpetual urgency.
The Physical Toll of Constant Urgency
Staying in a prolonged state of hyper-vigilance has been damaging to my body. I am showing clear signs of high cortisol levels and chronic lack of sleep. If you are a caregiver, you probably are too.
Pausing, resting, taking a beat or a moment can be really hard. I also have found that being in the presence of others who just “don’t get it” can be draining. This is why knowing who gives me energy, who takes it and be intentional about where my energy is going is so important. I use an ecosystem process to help me map this out.
Redefining Boundaries with “The Box”
This realization brought me back to a concept my mother shared: the “Box” tool. My mom—an incredible mother who navigated a physical disability throughout my childhood—shared this framework in my last blog. It’s a tool she used to assess what she was truly capable of, allowing her to make intentional decisions about her time, energy, and limitations.
I am realizing that I need to pay closer attention to my own “box.” I must clearly define what is most important, identify the areas where I need to invest my energy, and recognize the things I simply need to let go of. It directly mirrors the concept of our circle of control.
Recognizing Your Intrinsic Value
Regardless of what your own limitations look like today, I want to remind you that you are worthy of rest and having your own needs met. You are worth taking the time to do things that light you up inside. I know finding the space and support is hard, I see you! Start with little steps every day. This isn’t just because you will go on to do great things (though I know you will). Or because someone else’s care is riding on you. It is because you have intrinsic value, exactly as you are.
As always, when faced with change, or when things are no longer working the way we need them to, we take a deep breath, we reassess, and we recalibrate.